Dating violence is physical, sexual, emotional or verbal mistreatment for the purpose of gaining control and power over another person.
You are not alone……
The basic dynamics of dating violence are the same in both rural and urban areas. One-fourth to one-half of all dating relationships in the U.S. involve violence.(Rue, 1989)
Women aged 16-25 are three times more likely to be raped than other women. Of adolescent rape victims, 92 percent know their assailants, and about two-thirds of assaults happen in dating situations. (CCASA Connection 7(3), 1997)
How is Your Relationship?
You are being Physically Abused if someone:
You are being EMOTIONALLY ABUSED if someone:
- Pushes or shoves you
- Slaps or hits you
- Pulls your hair
- Kicks or punches you
- Restrains you with force
- Strangles you
- Throws objects at you
You are being SEXUALLY ABUSED and/or harassed if someone:
- Ignores your feelings
- Withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
- Makes all decisions for you
- Embarrasses you with bad names and put downs
- Wants to control what you do, who you see, talk to or where you go
- Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
- Embarrasses you in public and in front of friends
- Ridicules you
- Manipulates you with lies and contradictions
- Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
- Threatens to kill you
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
- Makes demeaning remarks about your gender
- Calls you sexual names that make you feel uncomfortable
- Forces you to take off your clothing
- Forces you to have sex against your will
- Insists you dress more or less sexually than you want
- Minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex
- Forces you to have sex through intimidation and emotional manipulation
Things to Consider…..
- Having fun
- Appreciating Differences
- Strong feelings
- Feeling Bad
- Being Called Names
- Sexual Irresponsibility
- Proving Yourself
You can protect yourself from date rape.
- Does this person ask for your opinion about things?
- Does this person have good relationships with his or her family and friends?
- Is this person a good listener?
- Do you consider this person a friend?
- Do you "act like yourself" when you are with this person?
- Does this person have other interests besides you?
- Does this person expect you to explain where you have been every time you are apart?
- Does this person get angry or hurt if you do not pay enough attention or spend enough time with them?
- Have you ever seen this person throw, hit or break things or abuse animals when angry?
- Is this person jealous of your friends?
- When this person uses drugs or alcohol, do they become abusive?
Guessing what another person wants without actually talking about it can lead to misunderstandings. You can learn what other people want:
If you are a girl:
If you are a boy:
- Set limits- Decide what you want. What are you willing to do physically? How far is far enough? What is too much?
- Talk to each other- Communication is the key to a good relationship. Tell your boyfriend what your limits are. Find out how he feels about your decision and what his wishes are.
- Be assertive- Say what you mean and continue to say it over and over again. Let your body give messages of strength, too. Move away when you are not comfortable. Stand tall. Talk as though what you are saying is very important.
- Trust your feelings- If your boyfriend is pushing you, don't let him continue. When you first get the feeling that things aren't okay, say something or do something to try to get out of the situation.
- Be aware of your boyfriend's actions- Pay attention to behavior that isn't respectful of you -- even simple things like he is trying to show you that he is stronger than you. It might seem like teasing, but it could also mean he is not going to listen to you at other times.
What to do if you are worried about a relationship…
- Set limits. Decide what you want. What are you willing to do physically? How far is enough? What is too much? And remember, your girlfriend will be making these decisions too.
- Talk to each other. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Tell your girlfriend what your limits are. Find out how she feels about your decision and what her wishes are.
- Listen to your partner. If she says no -- no matter how quietly or shyly -- it still means no.
- Trust your feelings. Trust the very first messages your girlfriend gives you. She may be trying to let you know you have gone far enough -- that she wants to enjoy what you have experienced so far, but you have reached her limits.
- Be aware of your girlfriend's actions. Behavior that isn't respectful of another person is not okay. Your girlfriend has the right to determine what her limits are. Her body language can also tell you that she wants to stop.
Tell someone you trust.You need to carefully consider whom you confide in when breaking off an unhealthy relationship.If you are concerned about your safety, a parent, trusted adult, school counselor or other teacher may be available to listen and help.
Remember it is not your fault. If you need someone to talk to or a referral to any services call our 24 hour number: (307) 684-2233 or the Wyoming Statewide HOTLINE - 1-800-990-3877
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